Teapot Series: Dregs and Camomile
by TheEreriFairy
Summary: NOTE:... line breaking won't work. Tried double enter and shift enter both in the original word doc and in doc editor. Suggestions? The one where Eren is no titan shifter, just another brat well beneath Levi's attention. Part one is devoted to the little and large dramas unfolding for various characters. Watch out for titans and feels.
1. Too Human

**Too Human**

 **0850:**

Captain Levi Rivaille stands alone on Trost's outer wall. 

Fifty metres up the air is muggy and alive with the buzzing of insects. The summer sun heats the stone beneath Levi's boots and paints the fields of Maria a crisp green. 

Even fully geared up, the warmth does not reach his skin. The beauty of the summer afternoon is lost on the captain, whose grey eyes seek beyond the horizon. The destination of tomorrow's mission:

Shiganshina. Humanity's greatest defeat in living memory. 

It is five long years since the fall of the outer town. Five years since the scouting legion arrived too late... 

...

 **0845:**

Commander Erwin leads the scouting legion across the fields of Maria, their force numbering too many for the high road. By the time the walls of the outer town loom into view, the horses are lathered and heaving under their riders. 

On seeing a green flare signal from the Commander, Captain Levi lets off his own flare to the right, veering his horse in the same direction. 

Levi's special operations squad move into a tight formation behind him. However, the fifty others under his temporary command are not so quick. Their unit forms a snaking line as wall Maria rises ahead. Hange and Mike lead further teams to the West while Erwin's larger force continues forward to Shiganshina's outer gate.

Levi's eyes narrow on a group of cloaked figures heading East under the wall's shadow. The group breaks into panic at the thunderous approach of the horses. 

"Those are not refugees," Eld observes coolly, just as his captain's eyes narrow in suspicion.

"No," Levi agrees. Why would refugees flee from supporting troops?

"The fuckers!" spits Auruo from behind, yelping a further string of curses as he bites his tongue.

"Ah." Levi lets out a breath he didn't realise he was holding. The penny drops as Levi spots the shield and rose sigils emblazoned on the group's brown cloaks. 

Stationary guard. 

Military grade cowards fleeing their breached town like rats from a fire. 

"No," Levi orders, as Eld and Auruo begin to overtake him. "We continue as planned."

The command tastes bitter on his lips and Auruo has the audacity to shoot him a distasteful expression, but Levi is resolute.

These deserters are not worth their time. Anyway, it is not like cowards who don't know what hard work looks like will be welcome in Trost, or any of the Marian villages. No, Levi won't stop to engage these filthy excuses for humans. It will only waste more time. 

However, one deserter has not fled with the rest. He stands with his back against wall Maria, arms waving frantically in Levi's direction.

"I know a safe place!" the filthy excuse for a man implores. "I can show you the way, if you will just take me with you!" 

Levi surveys the wild-eyed deserter from his horse with pure disdain.

The guttural roar of what can only be 15 meter class titan is the only thing stopping Levi from taking a moment to string the deserter for titan bait. Instead, he makes a disgusted noise, turning in the saddle to address his subordinates. 

But hot-headed Auruo has dismounted, having other ideas. 

"You snivelling piece of shit!" Levi sees him yell at the now incoherent deserter.

"Leave him," Petra implores, dismounting from her horse to grab Auruo by the collar for good measure. 

He twists downward in an unsuccessful manoeuvre to pull free from Petra's grip. Hazel eyes fix all the while on the piece of filth pressed flat against the wall, as if attempting to sink into the stone itself. 

"Please, please! Don't hurt me. I have children!" the filth implores to his unforgiving audience.

"Pathetic likes of you shouldn't be allowed to breed!" 

It is mildly amausing watching the blonde bombshell act tough, even as Auruo pulls against her grip like a dog on a rope.

Yet Levi has seen enough.

He is already one squad member down - Gunther having fallen sick - and there just happens to be a fuck ton of titans on the wrong side of Shiganshina. 

"Auruo! _Not_ the fucking time!" Levi growls to get the man's attention, before assuming his usual 'bored' expression. "On second thought, go on. Waste your time on this useless sack of skin. The titans will wait, I'm sure." 

His subordinate has enough brains in that hot head to at least look guilty.

"Captain, I—"

"Not the time," Levi repeats, firing his wires into the wall above before raising his voice once more to address the squad. 

"We scale the wall. Stick in your teams and keep an eye on the sky. Until such time as Erwin assesses the situation, we are here to preserve lives. _Do not_ engage titans if there are no civilians in immediate danger. Green flare, we assume full out assault," Levi thinks this highly unlikely, "red flare, full retreat." 

One glance from the top of Shiganshina's inner wall confirms Levi's suspicion that the red flare is inevitable. They are too late, too few and all too fragilely _human_. 

The lower town is heaving with titans pouring through the breach, and although the colossal titan responsible has long since vanished, the damage is done. A mass of civilians are just visible to the west. The lucky ones. Elsewhere, they are being eaten alive. These citizens are the most destitute of humanity's crop. Yet also the hardiest. For these people live at the extreme edge of humanity's territory, growing up and growing old to the sound of the titans' footsteps. Of course that does little to save them now from the titans' jaws. 

But where are the stationary guard? Why are the outer wall cannons unmanned? 

Levi tries to force calm into the fingers itching to kill, with the goal of being able to think in a straight line by the time the rest of his squad reach the top of wall Maria. Recalling Erwin's words from earlier that day helps to ground him... 

" _Titans are not the priority. We are unlikely to save the town, but if this is the beginning of the end of humanity... we will not stand idly by._ " 

Levi had protested that this was the last thing he intended, but Erwin had stopped him. His commander's blue eyes were filled with sadness as he continued. 

" _No. We will not stand idly by. But nor will we slaughter our forces at such a critical time. Should this 'colossal' titan return, we will need men. Good men. Show them what you can do, take down a few prominent titans, but do not make this the main goal. Protect them. Inspire them."_

Levi zips over rooftops using manoeuvre gear, his squad flanking in perfect formation.

He does not feel like a protector, flying past a pair of 7 meter class titans his team could easily dispatch, if only he gives the order.

Nor does the captain feel inspirational as he ignores yet another cry for help from within a titan's maw. Yet his task is clear. Preserve life. 

In the havok folowing the now vanished collosal titan, some groups of citizens have taken refuge on their rooftops, rather than heading straight for their inner wall. It is these citizens who emerge when Levi's squad appear. It is the titans threatening them which Levi's team dispatches with unmatched efficiency.

When Levi finds his rhythm, it no longer matters that the stalemate between humans and titans are over. He can blank out the screams of people to distant to save. 

He is a hunter. Leader of a pack. And nothing else. 

It is Petra who points out that the streets below and titan's maws alike are conspicuously free of stationary guard members. It has not excaped his attention and Levi wonders again where the hell they all are.

It is only when Levi's squad escorts a crop of survivors close to the gate that the question is answered. 

What must be _every member of the fucking stationary guard_ is present at the inner gate, presumably there on the pretext of 'assisting in the evacuation'.

The survivors are mainly quiet, shocked into numb silence as they are guided through to Maria. But there are also those at the opposite end of the spectrum, screaming for their loved ones. One fat man who must be a merchant is pulling at the shirts of anyone unfortunate to get close enough, begging them to wake him up from this awful nightmare. None of the guards think it worth their time to interfere. 

Levi doesn't expect much, but he does expect more than this. Eld is equally appalled and Petra wears an expression of open horror. Auruo spits loudly, but does not go rushing off to deliver justice again, for which Levi is grateful. These 'soliders' would not know justice if it fucked them up the—

" _Captain!_ " Petra points above and Levi sees it. A red flare. Followed by a second, third. Eld quickly releases his own crimson flare in answer. It is the signal for all squads to pull back to the gate. 

But Levi's squad are already at the gate. In his view, he has a maximum of 10 minutes to paint his blades in titan blood once more.

"We move out," Levi orders his team. They follow without question. 

... 

The squad encounters a group of children huddled on a rooftop. Three nine meter class surround them. They are uncannily similar in build. Thin, long armed, and fast. Unnaturally fast as those arms swing for the petrified children... Levi signals for Petra to take left and Auruo the right. Levi will take the centre titan while Eld provides distraction manoeuvres. 

It is a typical attack formation. But as Eld swings forward and lops off three fingers from the centre titan, nothing about the response which follows is typical.

Eld could just as well be a fly for all the attention the injured titan affords him. It is usually their nature to focus all effort on a threat. 

As Levi twists his blade into the centre titan's nape in a killing blow, the titan buckles forward into the side of the building. Its remaining fingers never stop trying to reach those five children. Petra and Auruo's titans behave identically, ignoring their attackers in favour of the children and falling in towards the roof as they are slain. 

_They ignored pain. Wanting only the children._

 _Why?_

 _Do they fucking taste better?_

Levi swallows the ball of disgust rising in his throat.

"It's coming down!" Eld warns, as the building begins to buckle from the three titans' combined impact.

It takes the lightening reflexes of all four of them to get the children off the roof in time. 

Levi deposits his child onto the rooftop without stopping. Levi notes Petra's huff of disapproval, but he is not going to have some brat snotting and crying down his jacket any more than necessary. Levi is especially grateful when one of his other squad leaders appear, offering to escort the children back to the gate. He is much more comfortable killing things than dealing with brats. 

With the children gone, the tension of their encounter with the 'abnormals' is tangible between them. 

Petra finally breaks the silence.

"Is it just me, or did those 9 meters not seem not to notice us, even with our blades sunk in their napes?"

"Petra's right," Eld says. "Didn't seem to feel a thing. And those fingers I lopped off... any regular titan would've gone right for me. But all it wanted was those children..."

"I fucking hate abnormals!" Auruo groans. "Did you see the length of their arms?"

Petra's face contorts with disgust. "I know, it's almost like—" 

"Shh!" Levi holds up a hand for silence, picking up the familiar _thomp, thomp_ of a titan. Possibly more than one. At least 10 meter class from the intensity of the sound. 

But where? 

When a 12 meter titan comes into view, there is no doubt that it sees them. Looks straight at Levi in fact, only to walk off slowly in another direction. A second follows. A third. All have freakishly long arms. All are thinner than most titans.

And all look straight at Levi's squad, choosing to ignore them. 

_Abnormals? Are they simply full, having feasted on so many?_

 _Titans have no digestive system but perhaps they do have a limit. Hange would know, but fuck knows where her team are._

The theory that these titans are regular abnormals has an obvious flaw. Abnormals are by definition oddities. Unique forms of the titan species. The pack attacking the children, and now these three that seemingly couldn't care less about Levi's squad... they seem to share the same future and behaviours.

"A sub species," Levi muses. It is the best he can come up with in the circumstances.

"Which only consume children..." Eld cottons on.

His other subordinates gape at him. Levi is disappointed see Petra's eyes go glassy, on the verge of leaking tears. 

To be weak now is to condemn humanity to predation.

Humans are weak by nature. But Levi thought he had picked the right team, this time. People cut out for the task, and who would last.

But perhaps he is losing his touch.

Gunther has already disappointed him. The man has been increasingly 'ill' over the course of the last few months and Levi has his suspicions. 

... 

One week later, Levi is scrubbing his shivering body with increased fervour.

The hot water ended at least five minutes ago, but Levi does not feel clean yet. 

Levi's showers have been longer since the fall of Shiganshina. No amount of water will wash away the memory of sweat, blood and defeat. But there is definitely something addictive as the icy water assaults his skin. 

_Numbness_ , Levi realises when he can no longer feel the skin he is scrubbing.

 _Beautiful numbness._ 'Humanity's strongest' reduced to a quivering, unfeeling mess. 

It takes two attempts to turn off the water.

His existence is reduced to breathing. Each straining breath emerges from his lungs like a knife-winged moth.

His numb feet slip on the tiles. But years of mastering manoeuvre gear develops lightning reflexes and a cat's balance. Levi hooks an elbow around a towel rail, supporting his body until pins of feeling return to his legs. 

The captain is fully dressed and brewing a pot of evening camomile when a flurry of knocks sound on his door. 

"What?" he calls, not moving from the stove.

Hange forgoes both question and privacy, bursting in to Levi's private quarters. 

"Ooh. What's that? Oh! Don't tell me. Peach blossom, is it blossom?" she speculates, moving closer to sniff the steam from the kettle.

"You just said not to tell you," Levi sighs, producing two china cups despite his better judgement.

"Oh, you know what I meant," Hange insists.

"Right," Levi drawls sarcastically as he transfers the tea into a pot. "So why are you here?"

"Yes! Commander Erwin wants you." 

"Now?" Erwin knows how Levi values his uneventful evenings. 

"Guess so," Hange replies. "I'm sure he won't mind if you take up the..." she tails off, waggling a finger at the teapot.

"It's camomile," Levi relents. The floral blend is a recent addition to his evening teas. Weaker than the deep black bergamot or crisp green he usually prefers in the evening. 

Camomile is supposed to be calming. He'll probably be grateful for it if Erwin is disturbing his at this hour. 

... 

Levi doesn't bother knocking as he walks into commander Erwin's office, steaming cup in hand. He wants Erwin to know that he has interrupted his routine.

"Commander, I hope that this-" he begins, before stopping still at the strange sight before him. 

The commander is slouched in his chair, face held in his hands as if unaware of his visitor entirely.

Erwin releases a deep breath before raising blue eyes to Levi, who is still frozen in the doorway. 

Levi surveys Erwin like an injured animal which could be dangerous, before choosing to close the door behind him. 

"Commander?" 

"Levi. Sit down." 

A clock ticks out the seconds as the older man hesitates. Levi notices his large hand resting on a folded parchment. Eventually, Erwin wordlessly slides Levi the parchment. The quality of paper beneath his fingertips is enough to tell Levi this is a central government report. He unfolds it to find the familiar blocky print:

'PUBLIC INFORMATION: _Humanity's Greatest Battle_ ' the heading reads. His fingers press more deeply into the parchment. 

To name that day of slaughter at Shiganshina a battle is an insult. And a downright lie.

The report's contents have so little in common with the facts Levi knows to be true – no mention of the colossal titan, nor the new types of titan which all witnesses agree seem to only show interest in children – instead the report paints a picture of hope in the face of defeat. 

' _Approximately twenty percent of the population_ were _lost in the battle against the titans.'_ the central government writes. 

But those people are not _lost_. Everyone knows exactly where they are. If anyone is in doubt, they need only ask the survivors who watched their loved ones get eaten.

 _Plucked, devoured, eaten alive and screaming..._ none of these truths featured in the government's accounts. Nor does the government make mention of the pleading... for mercy, for the goddesses Maria, Rose and Sina or simply for an end to the pain.

The captain holds the utmost respect for the few victims who yell instead for their loved ones to leave, run, live on. 

Levi reads on, but nowhere does the report speak of what he has seen: the people of Shiganshina being swallowed alive. 

He notices the edges of the parchment has crushed between his fingertips as he reads the final paragraph. 

' _We must honour their sacrifice and trust in the safety of our walls and our capable military'_.

No mention of course that is was a single titan that breached humanity's only defence like a child kicking down a sand house. No mention of the stationary guard's cowardice and indeed the scouting legion's own insignificance against the titan horde. And of course, no inkling that the military, let alone the government in Sina, have no plan of action on how to reclaim Shiganshina for humanity.

Levi notices a slip of paper is pinned to the end of the sheet, separate from the public report. It is stamped with the royal seal: 

" _Privileges which allow the scouting legion to operate beyond the wall are hereby revoked, until such time as the Shiganshina district is restored to Humanity's territory."_

The words are brief, but devastating. Levi's breath hitches. He doesn't understand how Erwin is remaining so calm.

The china cup rattles as Levi slams his palms on the desk. 

"So that's it? Just like that, we are supposed to abandon everything! You can't let them do this."

"Levi," Erwin sighs deeply. "I have no choice."

He wears the face of a man who is resigned to his fate. A man who has given up. This infuriates Levi more than anything. 

"Then make them understand." Levi says with gritted teeth. "Our training, the supply routes, Hange's research. None of that is possible without outside access."

"You think I don't know that?" Erwin's voice has trebled in depth. It is the only sign the commander gives that he is _not_ as calm as his blue eyes suggest.

"I think you have forgotten how to fight!" Levi accuses, drawing a level stare with his commander.

"Never. I..." Erwin begins, before faltering. 

_Shit._ Are those _tears_ forming at the corner of his commander's eyes? 

Levi is torn between guilt and disgust.

"Never... say that." Erwin finally gets out. 

Levi has the good grace to decide settle on feeling is sometimes easy to forget that some battles are won with ink and persuasion rather than bloodied blades.

Erwin will think of a way. He always does. 

The captain knows there is no way to resolve the damage tonight, so gets up to leave.

They both needed time to accept the 'grounding' of the scouting legion. 

However, when Levi makes the mistake of looking back through the doorway, there is no mistaking the disappointment in Erwin's expression.

It is only when Levi arrives back in his quarters and flings his cravat in the laundry basket that he realises. He has left his cup of camomile in Erwin's office. 

Not that it matters. He doubts even a bath in camomile tea could make him feel calm right now. 

... 

**0850:**

At least an hour has passed on top of Trost's outer wall. Levi is thinking of tomorrow, of the previous requisition missions into Shiganshina. But mainly, he is thinking of the original recovery mission, only two months after the breach.

On that day, the military were supplemented with over 2,000 'volunteers', kitted out with grapplers and lances as if the right equipment can replace years of military training. They were known as the 'Bread Brigade', due to the volunteers receiving a guaranteed ration allowance. On that day, seasoned soldiers and civilians alike bent over double, bringing up bile at the sight of the congealed bodies vomited by titans. Over 75% of the volunteers were corpses themselves by the day's end. Exactly as the government had planned. Less mouths to feed. 

Tomorrow, the scouting legion and stationary guard venture out into Shiganshina for the fifth time, with the intention of salvaging raw materials. This time there will be no bread brigade. Just as there will no putrid stench of rotting flesh, but perhaps there will be the crack of human bones shattering like porcelain under their boots. 

The sun will soon be setting, but Levi remains on wall Rose. There are plenty of reasons to hate titans, but right now there is only one reason. A single, infuriating reason why Levi's fingertips are twitching on the hilt of his blades, even knowing the titans are leagues away from his hardened steel. 

The titans have stolen his freedom. And not just Levi's, but that of the entire scouting regiment. Everyone from Erwin down denied access to the outside world. At least until Shiganshina is reclaimed for humanity. 

The newest recruits (few as they are) have never even stood on wall Maria, let alone tasted the freedom for which the price is so often an early death. Every scout makes that choice. They have paid for this freedom in blood. 

Levi pauses in his thoughts to watch a flock of swifts pluck lazy insects from the summer sky. Their piercing calls and effortless dives remind Levi of the wings of freedom embroidered on the back of his woollen green cloak. Nestled between the shoulder blades, the pair of wings -one light, one dark- are a constant reminder of why humanity can never stop fighting. Why he will never stop fighting. 

One day, Levi promises. One day we will know freedom again.


	2. Bread for Ashes

**Bread for Ashes**

 **0845:** _Two months after the fall of Shiganshina_

"I'm fighting, Austin Arlert. There ain't nothing you can say to change it."

Austin's heart is replaced by a lump of lead. His chest constricts with the weight of her words.

And if her words are agony, the resolute look on his wife's heart-shaped face is torture. Her lips are pursed in that all too familiar way, meaning she means every word she says.

Austin suppresses a sigh. He needs all his strength if he is going to sway her from this madness.

For all the wonderful qualities his mouse possesses, she is also as stubborn as a mule.

"Leonie..." he tries, ducking his chin to catch her sharp, blue eyes with his warm hazel ones. "Please. It's not safe."

"Safe!" she scoffs, returning his heartfelt appeal with a viscous glare. She folds thin arms tightly under her bosom. She only does this in the toughest of times. When trying to hold herself together.

As much as it pains Austin to see his wife like this, he cannot blindly accept that his wife wants to risk her life.

"Mouse..." The pet name falls from his lips like a drop of warm water, melting his wife's glacial eyes. Her torso begins to tremble beneath her folded arms.

He wants nothing more than to encase his wife's slender frame, to envelope her so entirely that the world beyond their pressed bodies ceases to exist. Within his arms, perhaps Leonie can forget that their ration of barley bread was smaller this morning than it was last week. Perhaps together, the chorus of their thumping hearts can drown out the drums of war...

But more than that, Austin wants to give his wife everything they have lost these last two months. Their home. Their freedom. The coin he earned teaching mathematics to merchants' sons.

Yes, they had once lived in humanity's poorest district, but there was always bread on the table. Milk and butter most days too.

Leonie's gentle quivering cruelly reminds Austin of something he misses more than a full stomach.

His wife's laughter.

 _When was the last time?_ It is unnerving that he cannot remember these last soft, blossoms of laughter, which used to flutter so freely from Leonie's petal lips.

Yet, as much as Austin wants to provide comfort now, he does not broach the distance between them. He must persuade her not to fight.

Austin _never_ wins... but today has to be different.

"Please. I can't let you do this. This family is nothing without you..." he says, taking shuffling steps to get as close as he dares. Leonie's blue eyes flutter open wide.

She is listening, at least.

"Think of _Armin.._."

 _A mistake._ He knows it the moment their son's name leaves his lips. He can hear the huge breath his wife takes, see her chest inflating. A warning. The calm before the...

 _ **SLAP!** _

His wife backhands him, holding nothing back. Her copper marriage band leaves a burning trail across his cheek.

"Think of _Armin_!?" Her fury is explosive, and Austin feels a twang of relief amid the swirling seas of worry. It is so long since his wife showed any surge of emotion, falling quiet behind an impassive mask as their situation became ever direr.

"Think... of our son!" Leonie breathes hysterically, rubbing quick circles into the palm she slapped him with. "Why the fuck d'you think I'm going back? D'you think I would risk never seeing our son again for anything else than to keep him alive?"

Austin's mind goes into overdrive.

 _Something. Anything. There must be something he can say..._

"Tell me. How will we feed our son?"

Austin has no answer. As little as Armin eats, as much as the two of them can cut back, one military ration allowance does not divide between four people. And the people of Trost have no paid work for refugees. He wonders whether the Trostians would even close their roofs to the refugees of Shiganshina if the colossal titan comes to break down _their_ outer wall.

The remnants of the slap are a mild sting compared to the aching realisation. There is nothing he can say. His wife will not be persuaded. She will go to Shiganshina. They will collect the bread ration, knowing that even if they both die, their son, Armin and Leonie's father, Ringol will continue to receive life-saving rations for the next two months.

It is this promise by the government that sees so many refugees sign up to the volunteer military ranks. The 'Bread Brigade', the true Trostians call it. Usually accompanied by a hearty glob of spit.

"Well?" his wife asks.

 _She knows..._ She can see the defeat in him.

Leonie comes closer. Austin's nose tickles her honey coloured hair as he utters the words which spell his failure.

"I don't know. Leonie, I can't..."

"You can't _what_ , Austin?

... _I can't lose you._

 _...I can't protect you._

"I can't..."

Words have failed him. There is no point in fighting any longer.

Austen finally pulls his wife into a fast embrace. It is impossible to tell who needs this more as their bodies crush together.

A delicate hand reaches for his neck, smooth knuckles ghosting over the skin, sliding under the shirt collar. Austin lulls himself into a false sense of peace as his pulse slows beneath his wife's fingertips.

"Let's not pretend, husband. There is no other choice." Her words float into the shell of his ear.

"I know. We need the bread."

"And if-" she breathes into his neck before continuing, "-if we don't come back, Armin has my dad."

"Yes, he loves his grandpa." Austin half nuzzles in her honey-coloured hair. "And the military will start recruiting the next batch of trainees soon. The minimum age is reduced to 11 now. Our rations will last them both until then."

"Our little Armin, a soldier!" Her last word comes out half a squeak. He strokes soothing circles into her back, knowing there is no stopping the fat tears trailing her cheeks. Just as there is no stopping the sting of water in his own eyes.

"We're all soldiers now, mouse."

...

Austin sits with his breakfast ration at one of twelve tables in the barracks. The air is thick with the sound of hundreds of spoons scraping lumps of porridge from wooden bowls. It could be a normal breakfast scene, if everyone present wasn't acutely aware that it may be their last.

The congealing lump in his bowl is at least 30% larger than usual. He pushes the food around with his spoon. Feigning interest.

Austin's thoughts are five miles away in the refugee camp. Are Armin and grandpa receiving a larger ration portion too? If so, Armin is sure to work out why. Smarter than both his parents put together. And such a delicate nature. So rare in the world they live in.

It is why he and Leonie decided not to tell him that today the entire voluntary army division are marching on Shiganshina.

Austin raises his eyes from his bowl. He is surrounded by people he has known all his life.

Even in the unfamiliar faces, Austin recognises the pained conflict shared between some of the men and women.

They are the parents.

Here for one reason only. The promise of bread for their children, whether they live to see them or not.

These are the eyes of people not under the illusion that two weeks of training makes a soldier. They are not here to fight titans, or even hold hope of reclaiming their hometown.

Bread for ashes... It is the gamble they all choose to take.

Except, some men are not watching their wives roll the same weighted dice.

Leonie sits elbow to elbow with him on the bench. She has finished her porridge and raises a questioning eyebrow at him. Austin shakes his head, not trusting his ability to keep food down.

"Here. You need your strength," his little mouse says. She plucks the dripping spoon from his bowl.

"Strength won't make a difference," he replies blankly.

"It won't if you keep up that thinking, _husband._ Now stop squirming. You need this." She goes to lift the spoon to his mouth, but he catches her slender wrist in his fingers, preventing her progress.

"Don't."

"But—" She drops the spoon in her struggle against his grip, and leaps for it with her other hand.

"I said, DON'T!"

Austin is aware of his fingers squeezing too tightly around his wife's wrist.

A rush of instinctive anger clouds every other feeling. She shouldn't even be here. He should have found another way... He will regret this later, but right now it is time to act the man for once in his life. Maybe it isn't too late to get Leonie back to the refugee camp...

"I don't... need... porridge!" His hand releases his wife's wrist to thump the table with his fist. "Need to be ten years younger, twenty pounds lighter, need to be stronger than I am! ... I nee- _ah_ - _ummff._ "

A mouthful of cold porridge is shoved into his mouth, just as Leonie jabs him in the chest with her own spoon.

"What you _need_ , Austin Arlert, is to _listen to your wife_! And eat your porridge."

He has lost, _again_ , the will to fight washed away with the force of his wife's beautiful blue eyes.

But there is something he needs if he is to face the day ahead. And it's not porridge.

" _Yuh cawnd duh,"_ he blurts, momentarily forgetting the cold mouthful cloying his tongue.

"Chew," Leonie commands, not unkindly. She strokes his chin as he obediently sucks and slurps the mouthful down.

"Now, what is it, love?" she asks.

"You can't die," he repeats.

She meets his eyes for a long moment before answering.

"I won't," she promises.

Austin thinks he has never loved his wife more than he does in that moment.

...

 _Later that day:_

The government will call the first recovery operation in Shiganshina a success. If you discount the screaming.

Unfortunately for capitain Levi Rivaille, he can discount none of them.

Not the high pitched scream of a grappling wire retracting, its owner's voice joining as he is caught in midair between fat fingers.

Nor the trembling, disbelieving screams of volunteers moments before they are crushed underfoot.

Their screams are all the worse for knowing that this is not simply the titan's doing, but _Humanity's_. The government may posthumously paint these refugees as gallant heroes, but there is nothing commendable about the mindless slaughter which is the reality of this farce.

Worst of all is the fact that their sacrifice is worth nothing more than a few tonnes of glass, grain, metal, which his team are currently loading unhappily into the backs of wagons.

Petra has ditched the sweet-as-treacle smile she usually wears for a stormy scowl. She sorts through piles of glass with little regard her bleeding palms.

Levi makes a note to keep an eye on her. He won't stand for carelessness in any circumstances.

Meanwhile, Auruo is lifting a bundle of metal with entirely the wrong technique. Knees straight and back swinging dramatically on each lift. Levi is almost tempted to intervene, when he notices an even more worrying sight.

Hange. The fellow captain and lead researcher is venting some obvious frustration by slamming sacks of glass into the back of a wagon so forcefully that the horses startle.

Auruo gawps at the researcher in surprise but says nothing, bending his back to hoist the next bundle.

A sound snaps him into a tense focus. A single, drawn out scream, floating over the wall. A coil of bitterness rises in the pit of his stomach. He thinks Hange hears it too, from the ferocity of their next throw of the sack. The eccentric curses loudly when the hessian bag rips.

Yes. Hange definitely hears it, from the hitching of breath which isn't solely from the labour.

He seeks the researcher's wide brown eyes. They share a silent exchange. It speaks of unspoken knowledge, shared pain and guilt. Guilt most of all. Because unlike the others, they know the bitter truth of this 'mission'.

...

"The operation to 'recapture' Shiganshina is _designed to fail_ ," Erwin reveals as calmly as if telling his captains what whether to expect.

Levi wonders if his commander realises he is not speaking sense. His fellow captains, Hange, Mike and Dita look equally astonished as their commander continues.

"The government realise that we cannot retake Shiganshina with our current strength. They also cannot support the number of refugees encamped within Trost. As such, a..." he struggles uncharacteristically for the word, "...a _compromise_ has been decided."

The compromise Erwin speaks of is a population cull, disguised as all-out attempt to reclaim the homeland of the very people being sentenced to titan fodder.

By the time Erwin is done reciting the details of the government's scheme, Levi's whole outlook is thrown into turmoil.

At least titans make clear their intentions. Not to mention that titans don't turn on their own kind.

For the first time in his life, he wishes he were not Humanity's strongest, wishes that the the responsibility lies elsewhere. Wishes that he doesn't need to play along with this disgusting scheme.

...

Of course, Levi does fall in line with the deceit. A weak part of him wishes that Erwin kept the intel to himself. Perhaps then he wouldn't be experiencing this coiling lurch of bitterness every time he hears the faint echo of a scream from beyond the wall...

Eld comes to help Hange with the broken glass. Levi notices he has already loaded two wagons himself. Ever diligent. It is one of the reasons why the man is his second in command.

Yet, Levi notices that even Eld is showing the strain today. His bun has come undone on one side, spilling blonde hair which sticks to the sweat on his face. At any other time, Eld would be putting it right. His well kept appearance is one of the things which Levi found attractive about him, all those months ago. That and the fact that he only speaks when necessary, and never to state the obvious.

The man before him now is a different creature entirely. Sweaty, dishevelled and continuing to haul sacks like a well oiled machine which knows nothing else.

A memory flies unbidden to the fore of Levi's mind. It is from when he discovers that absolute steadfastness is Eld's coping strategy, one which the man employs following his first titan kills...

...

"I never thought I'd take two." Eld's statement is not boastful. Indeed, the blonde is as serious as ever.

"I'm impressed," Levi says, meeting his subordinate's eyes to show he means it. –the gratitude in those deep brown eyes throws him off guard – "But that doesn't mean I won't string you by your ankles if you let this get to your head... I never could drag Auruo down from his high horse."

"Yes, Captain. As much as I respect Auruo, it is my wish to one day surpass him and- uhm..." His subordinate trails off. Levi notices doubt filling those deep brown eyes.

"Oh?" Levi's interest is peaked. It is the most he thinks Eld has ever said at once.

"Go on," Levi encourages, seeing the lingering hesitation.

"Well, Sir. One day, I hope to surpass even yourself."

 _From someone else's lips, this would be infuriating. Why does he feel no anger?_

"Why?" Levi finally asks.

"Because you _inspire_ it, Sir." Levi finds his eyes drawn to quickened pulse fluttering at the man's neck as the words fall from his lips.

 _Shit. Eld noticed._

The corner of Eld's lips sneak into a knowing smile, even while he salutes Levi formally _._

Levi's rigidly enforced resolve not to get involved with those likely to die (everyone in the scouting legion) is burning to ashes as his subordinate holds the salute.

The captain slowly glides his gloved hand over the fist clenched tightly against Eld's the reaction.

He is not disappointed. The blonde unfurls his fingers to catch Levi's fingers in his own. Their hands remain linked while they look at each other deeply with lidded eyes as if seeing one another truly for the first time.

 _Seeing as this is actually happening. Levi decides he may as well get some pleasure from it._

"If I ask you to my quarters, will you come?" he asks while thumbing soft circles into Eld's knuckles.

"If you command it." The kernel of hope in Levi's chest snaps with the words. He releases Eld's hand and their eye contact.

"I am not _commanding_ you," he states bitterly.

"Shame," he hears Eld say in a low voice somewhere above him. "Because I'd do anything you command."

Levi is not accustomed to being speechless. He raises his eyes, mouth unable to form the question. Thankfully, Eld understands.

"Yes, Captain," he repeats. " _Anything..._ "

...

Levi is disgusted with himself for recalling everything which happened with Eld during the aftermath of battle. An elite soldier should be fully in control. As such, humanity's strongest should definitely not be looking at Eld with hunger, _now_ of all times.

Of course, Eld would need an hour long shower before Levi could consider going anywhere near him after all that heavy lifting. And it's doubtful that there is a bottle of vine somewhere for Eld to rinse his mouth...

Not to mention that they haven't been anything but professional towards one another for months. Ever since Levi learnt the catch in taking on Eld as a lover (aside from the unsaid threat that either of them could die on the next expedition beyond the walls).

Levi knows he is not... _conventional_ in his desires. It has nothing to do with liking men and everything to do with the rules by which he lives his life. Namely, avoiding filth at all costs. Sex has the misfortune of being one of the filthiest activities Levi practices. That said, he has found acceptable measures which make it possible... with the right partner.

During their first encounter, Levi is more than happy with Eld. Impressed even, because the man takes all of Levi's oddities in their stride.

The handsome blonde arrives at his quarters freshly showered as requested (and almost up to Levi's standards) and gargles the cup of vine Levi produces like its the most natural thing to do in the world.

And he listens with endless patience to Levi's rules, obeys Levi's command to the letter.

But it's not just about obedience, and that is precisely where Eld falls short.

The tall, muscular blonde obeys unflinchingly. Like a dog conditioned with fear. He never surprises Levi, but worse than that, he never gives more than Levi demands. And for all the control Levi needs to implement to even think about engaging in sexual contact with another... he also needs that person to actually give a damn. To want to suck him off and fucking beg for more.

It is not in his imagination, because Levi went as far as to test the theory that Eld actually doesn't require their intimacy at all.

For two long months Levi initiates nothing. No invitations to his room, no shared contact and no explanation.

Nothing.

But despite his cool exterior, Levi is waiting, foolishly hoping for Eld to show that what they share is more than Eld following _commands_.

Turns out it isn't. Wasn't. Never can be.

Eld is just that sort of person. Too submissive to be properly dominated. Too obedient to test Levi. As well defined and effective with his tongue as he may be... he is _ultimately boring._

Which is why Levi feels all the more despicable for looking at Eld hauling sacks as he is now doing. With longing worthy of a hormonal teenager.

Because Eld cannot give what Levi wants.

No one can give Levi what he _really_ wants, because what he wants is, surprisingly...

A challenge.

Killing is no longer an effort. Commanding respect is easy as taking a piss.

Any good soldier will blindly obey. But Levi craves more than mere obedience. The closest word to describe what Eld is missing is guts. But Levi wants to build trust too. The sort which you both work damn hard for, and which earns you the right to enjoy each other exclusively. It's knowing that person finds joy in being fully in synch with your routine and mood. It's knowing the person will pine for you when you're away, yet will trust in your return. And that they will always want you when you do.

But Levi knows there is no one like that in the scouting legion...

There is nothing for it but to carry on. _Humanity's strongest._ Fortunately, he is used to it.


	3. Rival Choices

**Rival Choices**

Eren's final year in military training cannot end soon enough. A place in the scouting legion awaits him. Has always awaited him...

Eren is 8 years old and public opinion of the scouting legion is at an all time low. Not that this put a dent in Eren's admiration for the only military group who venture beyond the walls.

The citizens of Shiganshina can _hear_ the titans beyond the outer wall. It amazes Eren that people act as if they are far away, just as it angers him when people sneer that all the scouts do is go out and die.

Eren is 9 and his admiration of the scouts expands like rising dough. There is plenty of opportunity for some other interest to puncture his growing desire to join the scouting legion. Perhaps wanting to follow in his father's footsteps and practice medicine... But no, despite encouragement, nothing comes close to puncturing his dreams.

Eren is 10. It is the night after watching his mother get eaten alive. He can still taste blood and ashes. His throat is still raw from screaming.

But there is something new too, something so intense that it threatens to choke even the pain and grief.

A fire of determination.

It starts in his chest, hardening his once comforting dreams into an unbreakable crust. But soon the feeling reaches his fingers and toes, prickling like pins and needles. Eren welcomes the hot, angry wave as it burns, leaving a tempered resolve which to this day Eren can draw on when he feels weakest.

Almost five years later, Eren admires the scouts for different reasons. The legion have been banned from the outside world (just like everyone else) and are now tasked with reclaiming Shiganshina. If anything, Eren's respect for the scouts is stronger for this.

He is also now not the only person who wants to join the scouts apart from Mikasa and Armin. It might be because the halt on outside missions has done wonders for survival statistics within the scouts, but Eren hopes it is more because his fellow trainees realise the value in joining a faction which actually train you to fight titans, as opposed to whatever the military police do. And as for the stationary guard, Eren and Mikasa have seen first hand how incapable they are against titans.

The idea that Hannes - the man who let his mother get eaten - is one of the _brave_ ones would be amusing if it wasn't completely sickening. He remembers Hannes with Eren under one arm, Mikasa under the other... and what must be _ever other guard_ in Shiganshina cowering at the gate.

It's not like Eren can ever be grateful to Hannes, but there are worse out there. The military police are a prime example. What would it take for them to actually leave the comforts of Sina?

No, for Eren it has always been the scouts. It is the swirling fire of determination which allows Eren to train harder, faster, become stronger each passing season. And it is the desperate hunger to know all there is to know about the scouting legion which sees him running now towards Commander Shadis's hut.

Eren's heart beats frantic time as he runs. Peeling the potatoes for dinner took longer than expected and he _cannot_ let himself be late for this.

You see, it is messenger day. The now breathless brunette makes it his monthly routine to intercept Commander Shadis on his way to the mess hall to deliver the news. In the five minutes it takes Shadis to stride from his office to the mess hall, Eren is able to eke out precious morsels of information. It is never enough to completely sate his appetite, but usually enough to keep Eren more or less still on the bench as Shadis announces that month's news to the entire regiment.

The commander has long ago accepted that answering a handful of Eren's questions is a lesser evil than having him squirm restlessly in the mess hall. According to the commander, his face when trying to hold in his emotions is painful to witness.

Even with this arrangement, sometimes Eren cannot help but growl in anger when the news is dire, or huff with frustration at the announcement of yet another useless rule implemented by the government. Just as he definitely cannot help but pump his fist and whisper "Yes!" whenever the scouting legion are successful.

Eren picks up his pace to a full out sprint, not caring if he arrives beet faced at Shadis's hut. If he doesn't hurry, there is a chance he could miss Shadis altogether. _No_ , Eren tells himself – it is unthinkable – he is never late on messenger day! _Almost there..._

As the commander's wooden hut lurches into view, the lamp light in the window reassures Eren he has made it in time.

In fact, Eren finds himself in for a tortuous wait. It is increasingly difficult to keep still. He shifts his weight from leg to leg. Maybe it is only minutes, but it is impossible to tell in this heightened state of anticipation.

 _Did the fifth recovery mission in Shiganshina go ahead? Is there news of humanity's strongest? Or Commander Erwin? It's been ages since there has... When will the military forces finally join forces to wage a real battle for Shiganshina?_

 _Come onnnn, Shadis._

Eren's heartbeat has fully recovered from the run and his face is barely flushed by the time Shadis emerges.

 _Finally!_

He assessed the commander's features eagerly for clues. Commander Shadis generally only displays three attitudes: irritated, angry and _tired_.

It is the latter which Eren sees now. The circles under the commander's eyes seem deeper, as if drawn in ink. Spotting Eren, the commander rubs his knuckles against the wrinkles on his forehead. The messenger's papers hang limply from his fingers in his other hand.

The commander acknowledges Eren with an unsurprised half nod and without slowing his steady gait.

Eren follows to the side and half a step behind, as he know the commander prefers. There was a time when the trainee was hard done to keep up at all, but the last three years have done wonders for his legs, which are longer and well muscled from vigorous 3DMG training.

"Commander Shadis, Sir." Eren breathes. "Please, how did the fifth operation go?"

"A success." Shadis says the word like it's a drop of bitterness on his tongue.

It is always the same whenever Eren asks about the scouting legion. Eren does not understand why Shadis never sounds proud. The scouts used to be the sole purpose of Shadis's life, just as they (so soon!) will become Eren's.

Surely Shadis is not still full of regret over what happened so many years ago?

 _He was their 12_ _th_ _commander._

Eren was there the day when Shadis lost control, and soon after the command:

* * *

 _Eren and Mikasa see it all from the back of a cart, standing on tiptoes to peer over the heads of the crowd._

 _The heroes are returning from beyond the wall. Except..._

 _Eren does not see the proud, straight backed men and women of his dreams._

 _He sees ghosts with dead, unseeing eyes._

 _He sees broken people. Some so heavily bandaged it is impossible to tell if they are male or female._

 _And he sees rider less horses. Too many to count._

 _The scouts, so inflated in Eren's expectations appear shrunken in their defeat. Like rag soldiers played with too roughly, missing stitches and frayed at the edges._

 _And then the mutters start._

" _So few of them return... How horrible..."_

 _And then the shouting, hacking at the tension like a knife._

" _All they do is die!"_

" _Wasting our taxes!"_

 _Their angry words may as well be wind for all the notice the ghosts give. Their commander, Keith Shadis continues to lead the grim procession with gritted teeth and circles around his eyes which Eren swears were not there when they set out._

 _But then a woman appears who Shadis takes notice of. Her hands clench in desperate hope before her, as she appeals to the then twelfth commander._

" _Excuse me. I can't see my son, Brown. What happened to him?"_

 _Eren still has nightmares of soldier Brown's wrapped hand being presented to his distraught mother._

 _Sometimes, the nightmare replaces Mrs Brown with Eren's own mother, still trapped under their half-collapsed house._

 _She screams at Eren to run, flapping the dead arm at him as if in a gruesome wave. If Eren is lucky, he wakes up in a hot sweat before Hannes scoops him up... wakes before seeing his mum get devoured again..._

* * *

Commander Shadis reveals enough on the way to the mess hall for Eren to look forward to the announcement of the full news after dinner.

Eren eats quickly as usual, but there is no hurrying the others – except for Sasha – she finished the soup in half the time Eren did and is nabbing pieces of Connie's bread when he isn't looking.

 _Hurry up. Hurry up._

He has a special reason for today's restlessness, because Shadis mentioned something about 'humanity's strongest' living up to the name. And Eren hasn't heard about the formidable Captain Rivaille in ages.

Eren spoons another mouthful of soup to try and realises he is smiling to himself.

"Hrrhmm!"

Eren looks around the table for the source of the sound, to see Jean snickering at him. His narrow brown eyes are fixed on Eren.

"Jean, are you even eating that?" Eren snaps on noticing Jean has hardly touched the soup. It's only onion and barley but they've been served far worse.

 _Okay. Why is he staring like that?_

Meanwhile, Sasha's eyes go wide and zoom in on Jean's spoon, which is being pushed absently around the bowl as he contemplates Eren.

"I'm distracted," Jean smirks. "'Cause your face looks like you got laid. I'm struggling to figure out who has the patience."

The other conversations around the table drop dead like flies.

"Huh..." Marco drops his spoon into his soup, looking down to try and hide the flush behind his freckles. Armin is similarly embarrassed and Mikasa looks infinitely less impressed than she was moments ago.

"Whaaat?" Connie gasps, as Eren turns angry eyes towards the still smirking Jean.

Sasha is shouting before Eren can get a word in. "Oi Jean. You need a new nickname, 'cause most horses are smarter than you!" Jean's curled lip falls flat. "Did you forget that it's messenger day? Eren's always beaming like an idiot like this on messenger day if there's good news." She turns to Eren. "Riiight?"

Jean snorts, muttering something under his breath, but all eyes are now on Eren and he can't help but share all Shadis has told him so far. _The scouts taking down titans in Shiganshina. The resourcefulness of recovering metal for new blades. The heroism of Captain Rivaille, humanity's strongest, who has taken down 4 single handed, bringing his solo count to 53..._

"So... he's crushing out. I was close, alright!" Jean says defensively.

Mikasa sighs and rolls her eyes beside him as Eren's fingers instinctively clench into fists.

"I am not _crushing_!" he growls. "I am showing _respect_. We should all show our respect for humanity's warriors."

Jean scoffs. "Humanity's garbage collectors, more like."

"Say that again and I swear—"

"—Humanity's. Fucking. Glorified. Garbage. Collectors."

"Take that back." Eren spits. He is now standing and almost trembling with anger.

Jean too gets to his feet. The distance of the table between them is the only reason they are not aleready at each others' throats. Sasha takes the opportunity to swipe Jean's half-eaten soup. She slurps happily while watching the show.

"No. Don't think I will." Jean crosses his fingers and stretches almost causually until his knuckles click.

Eren is not intimidated. Jean may have the edge with manoeuvre gear, but Eren is the strongest in hand-to-hand combat.

"You shouldn't fight..." Armin whispers, ever the cautious one. "Shadis is _looking our way_. Remember last time you guys fought."

Eren is too blinded by rage to remember last time. It is impossible to think of anything other than how much he wants to punch Jean in that horse face of his.

It takes a yank of Mikasa's fingers to force him back to the bench. There will be a bruise on his left cheek come morning. To his continued fury, Jean sits calmly, laughing something into the something into the ear of an alarmed Marco as if nothing happened.

When the bowls are finally cleared and Shadis is announcing the news, Eren again cannot stop the smile from spreading across his face. The scouting legion have slain 14 titans in their latest operation (of which humanity's strongest took down 3 alone) and salvaged valuable hardened steel from Shiganshina. Eren finds himself fantasising about the blades they will forge from the recovered shards: a weapon weighted with the past yet strong with the promise of revenge.

 _How a blade like that would feel in his grip! How beautiful it would look, glistening with titan blood..._

Eren barely hears his name when Shadis calls for himself and Jean to attend him.

"The rest of you are dismissed." Shadis adds, waiting at the head table for Eren and Jean.

"Bad luck, Eren," Armin whispers. The rest of his words of encouragement are lost against the backdrop of benches scraping and boots thudding against the flagstone.

* * *

These kids will be the death of him.

Yeager and Kirstein sizing each other up over dinner. He cannot tolerate such childish behaviour so close to their graduation. If either trainee acts up in their new role, it looks bad on him. And fuck, if there's something Shadis actually likes about this job it is the notion of success. No failed operations, no deaths to justify. He is simply a machine churning out raw recruits.

Not that it is an easy task, shaping these kids into soldiers.

"Hear you plan to join the MP." he states. Kirstein is looking at the floor in a show of remorse.

It doesn't fool him for a second. "You've got the grades for it, Kirstein. But you're stupider than you look if you think the military police will stand for child's play."

"I'm sorry, Sir." Kirstein responds.

"As for _you_..." he turns on Yeager who unlike Jean has his green eyes raised. It's not defiance as such, more self righteousness. "...still aspire to the scouts?"

"More than anything, Sir." Yeager holds his fist to his heart in the scouting legion salute.

 _Shit._

Carla's boy is stubbornness in human form.

" _Protect him. Please. For me." Carla asked of him all those years ago. It is the only thing she ever asked of him, and so far Shadis has done a dreadful job of it._

It hasn't helped that the lad needs protecting from himself more than anything. Damn kid would train himself to death if you let him. _Of course_ he'd have his heart set on the most dangerous sector of the military.

Shadis announces that both trainees are to arrive back at the mess hall two hours prior to breakfast, where they will be cleaning the rafters. He dismisses Kirstein, thinking that now may be the last time to try and sway Yeager from the scouts.

"Yeager. As your commander, I demand to know why you wish to join the scouts."

Carla's boy gapes in an unseemly manner and doesn't seem to know what to do with his hands.

"But... Sir. You commanded the scouting legion. Surely you—"

"Do I look like I've lost my memory?"

"No Sir, I..." the boy trails off, looking even more uncomfortable.

"Thing is Yeager, I had a letter recently from soldier Hannes asking of you, Mikasa and Armin." The lad's eyes light up. "And it would be a shame to tell him you'll all likely be dead within five years."

For a long moment, Shadis believes he has rendered Eren speechless. But it turns out the boy was simply building courage. The lad's body trembles with tension but his words are clear.

"With respect, Sir. I would rather fight and die young than not join the scouts. It is my choice to make."

The words bring forth echoes of another soldier, bleeding out in the grass.

" _Commander... P-please. I fought for you... Make it stop... I'm ready. It is my... ch-choice to make..."_

Shadis brought the soldier peace then. But he cannot do the same for Eren. Not when he is bound by Carla's promise.

" _Protect him. Please. For me."_

Eren is filling the silence. "But I do understand about Armin and Mikasa... I promise not to encourage them. Or the others, Sir. It needs to be their own choice too. Hannes would understand most of all, I think."

Spoken like a true soldier. Shadis realises nothing will persuade Carla's boy from this course.

Shadis never could say no to Carla, even after she marries Grisha. Heck, _especially_ after she marries the doctor.

When she asked him to protect Eren, he does to the best of his ability. Except the best of his ability is not enough. It never has been. Eren's insistence on joining the scouting legion is only the last in a long list of failures to his name.

The first of any consequence was not trusting soldier Erwin Smith. Back then, Shadis felt the long range scouting formation which Smith insisted would help to be idealistic, overly complicated. He was loathe to change a sytem which had been in place for half a century.

At least that mistake is salvaged on the day when he finally breaks down completely, with just enough lucidity left to pass the command to Erwin Smith, who moulds into the role quicker than it takes some men to take a piss.

Erwin is firm but fair, sending a letter that evening to the central government announcing his promotion and suggesting that Shadis' skills would be invaluable to the general training team.

Shadis is stitting with his head in his hands, comprehending his latest failure. Yet he cannot help but be impressed with the kid's determination. It is this which caused his failure two years prior.

Shadis tampered with Eren's 3DGM gear in just the right way for the problem not to show. Even maintaining a basic position was three times as difficult for Eren. In an effort to quicken the blow, he made sure to position Eren last or near last, hoping to break his resolve having seen his fellows perform the manoeuvres with relative ease, only to fail himself.

He chastised Eren severely, forcing him to watch Jean and Mikasa (the most talented of the squad) and who already achieve a grace in the air which some graduates will never reach.

But just when even Eren's determination was close to crumbling, something Shadis had not planned for fired a cannon into the scheme...

 _He lost his resolve._ Completely dried up on the one quality that practically leaks from Carla's boy.

Once Eren was in functional gear, the beaming grin on the kid's face almost made Shadis forget that this couldn't last. Almost. Because whatever Eren thinks he wants, whatever potential he has as a soldier, Shadis promised his mother. And if he can't stop her kid from joining the scouts, there is one last point of attack.

Shadis dips his fountain pen to parchment to write the trainee's graduation summaries.

Erwin Smith will not reject a graduate, but when he reads Eren's summary, sure as the walls stand Eren will not be involved in important missions, let alone be placed anywhere near the front line.

It is the best he can do.

His chest feels lighter than it has in years with each swipe of the fountain pen. The weight of his promise to Carla finally eases as the trail of shining ink spells an end to Eren Yeager's dreams...


End file.
